Because of the rooster,
the insisting, demeaning, and demanding.
The lonely loud cock
stained with the fortune
of freezing time.
Because of this rooster,
stuck in a cycle of violence,
stuck between day and night.
Because of this damn rooster,
the mornings come
before the light.
I’ve met my Owl, he lives in the wood.
He is large like my eagle, but harder to see.
His painted wings wear the mask of the trees.
How he found me, I will not know.
He was only in my dreaming then, decades ago.
My mind was an explosion then, ready to blow.
That was my beginning then, but now he is here.
Hunting and watching on this sacred ground.
I can see him, fear him, and love him,
my eyes are open now.
When all is said
and all is done,
we were two
made into one.
We did this growing,
in secret, we did.
When no one was watching,
and the seasons were still.
We faded into ourselves,
on this hill.
Looking back if I should be asked,
“What did you do with your life?”
My response will surely be,
“I spent it with my best friend, coloring.”
And that’s fine by me.
The birds are back.
You can hear them singing, loud and awake.
The winter is hiding, the land has been tricked.
The birds don’t mind it, not one bit.
I can hear them singing,
bloom spring bloom.
The birds are back to collect their due.
My anxiety is my shadow. It has hung over me, followed me around, and woken me up in the middle of the night throughout my entire life. It goes by any number of names: fear, insecurity, shyness, and pride. It shows up at the most inopportune times, and out-stays its welcome almost every time. It critiques my writing, the way I do or don’t do my hair. It whispers, “stay down, don’t raise your hand, your wrong”. It has predicted my failures and fine-tuned my doubt. It has attempted to remodel my home, life, and mind with a frequency attune to light speed. It has become an integral part of me.
It has been with me since the beginning, and it ties me to me. I have shared my childhood, my family, and all of my relationships with anxiety and while it may not be the best of company, it has never left me. It has never cheated on me, abandoned me, or found a younger model. It always has my back because that’s where it lives. It doesn’t give the best of advice, but at least it tries. It really just wants me to stay safe at home, alone. When I accepted this reality, my mind and my life changed entirely. Meet my anxiety, it’s always with me. It’s my shadow, it protects me.
Love yourself and the universe will follow suit.
It will all fall in line.
Give in to your faith,
now is your time.
Be grateful and let go,
the best of what’s left to be
waits in want patiently.
It’s time for you to grow.