Things are rarely
what you think
they pretend to be.
Do not mistake
Surviving and thriving
are two different things.
We have no one to blame but ourselves. Well myself actually, it was my idea. My plan to avert the jungle outside for a walk indoors. My plan to work out every day without the excuse of weather to fall back on. My grand plan to fight resistance and get serious about fitness. It was expensive, but it would be worth it. We work hard, we deserve it. So we combined our research efforts, split the costs, and ordered it.
It arrived on a Saturday and came to life on a Monday via the rigorous toil and dedication of my faithful man mate, David. In its containment it did look large, once built however, it became huge. This beast of a machine is a mammoth in our tiny home. It is a giant commanding our attention. Large with life and a console that looks like a replica of something from Star Trek, this machine is dominant.
All I wanted was a defense mechanism against common resistance. A simple way to make progress and sustain it, instead I got a war machine. Why would you simply ignore resistance when you can destroy it? In the shadow of this mighty dinosaur, there are no excuses, you have to walk, you have to run, and you have to obey it.
Throughout my speckled and turbulent history with body confidence and self improvement, I’ve tried various methods to stay on course and motivated. There have been diets, twisted ankles, and gurus along the path but time and truth changed my approach. A little internal deep dive and I realized that progress masked as punishment is an effective illusion and the size of it counts. The enormity of this new Overlord in our little life is as humorous as it is intimidating and for the first time ever I have no doubt that it will all work out.
Every single day.
Do not live on the fringes
of your fancy outside life.
Nothing of substance happens there.
It’s just a show.
Look within and hold truth tight.
Life takes shape unseen
in the soul.
When the mood strikes she can be anything.
A rigged explosion of love, fury, envy, and greed.
Ready for sacrifice in the shadow of Kali.
Be wary young Bird, she will tell you true.
The Ego devours a heart on the hunt
it can destroy you.
Kali is walking in your stead.
A bull without horns
can still see red.
To be continued…
I make these lists year by year of the lessons I’ve learned and the truths that I’ve found. I make them in order to track my age and forge an alliance with myself. This little annual inventory is taken from a year of scribbling my thoughts down:
- There is always a bird singing somewhere. Always.
- Creativity takes courage. No additional skills are required.
- Pandora never had a box. She had a jar.
- Interrogate your ego often. It should never be bigger than your dreams.
- Tuesdays and Thursdays are the worst traffic days.
- BBC Radio 4 Podcasts are best played on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
- There is always a way to give thanks and something/someone to be grateful for.
- Cynicism is lazy.
- Love Yourself and the universe will follow suit.
- Defiance Disorder: it’s a thing, look it up.
- Some people write to remember, I write to understand.
- My Orion is a Lady.
- Screw shame and the guilt it rode in on.
- The sea is always right.
- If you need an illustrated font to remind you to ‘Be Kind’ you are in big trouble.
- Trust Yourself, it’s all true.
- Shame’s trusted companion will always be regret. They come and go together. Be prepared.
- Re-read the words that changed you. Know who you are.
- There are no straight lines in nature. The concept is manmade just like perfection.
- We really are the stuff of stars.
- John and Abigail Adams had a remarkable and profound relationship.
- Trust your gut. Intuition only speaks when it has something to say.
- Don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it. Forgive.
- I am an apt pupil, at ease in solitude. I am not a social creature but I do love people and that’s OKAY. (This one took a long time to figure out)
- Patience is Paramount.
- Be a detective. If something thrills your soul, dig in deep. Find out everything you can. Curiosity is its own reward.
- 38 years in and I am still astonished by the everyday assumptions we all make. Don’t assume anything about anyone ever. When people speak to you, listen completely, don’t let a preconception do the talking. The story, integrity, and beauty of a person will speak in the details.
- Shyness and insecurity, while all well and good, are not the same as quiet and contemplative.
- Take in the sunrise when you can.
- Write it all down, draw it all out. Legacy and expression are not reserved for an idol class. Everyone should write a memoir as far as I’m concerned.
- The sounds of a tapping keystroke, rushing water, and my daughter singing will always center me. Listen to your day.
- Cater to your imagination. Give it a safe space to grow up and run around in. Let it do the building.
- Everyone has his or her own personal battles. Anatidaephobia: A person suffering from this condition feels that somewhere in the world, a duck or a goose is watching him/her (not attacking or touching, simply watching the individual).
- Fear mongers in the dark, flock to the light.
- Look up, look up, look up, the sky is waiting for you.
- Embrace change, it is a reliable constant. Make use of it.
- Confront the Bear.
- When you give, give freely.
Note: My notes are personal truths. A collection of the reminders I write to myself and my Bird.
All of these old mishaps,
unlocked doors with a chain of keys.
Rotted out to retire,
made to forget.
Shame’s trusted companion
will always be regret.
The dung twig sprouts
and the spotted Owl sings.
There is joy to be had
in old beginnings.
Seven crows, seven poles
digging in an open hole.
Into the red mud,
the centuries recounting.
This is my final turn
to begin again.
Drenched in the red
of this sweet Earth.
A new life planted in the dirt.
Seven rows for seven new souls,
the last of the firsts.
There are quite a few options, promises are being made.
Charlatans using words like drunk weapons,
fueled with guilt, riding the rage.
If you knock down a pole, the light will flicker below.
Hour-by-hour, the power will fade.
Listen to its hum of rebellion,
and take back your night.
Fight for your mother, fight for her plight.
Fear mongers in the dark,
flock to the light.